Parenting Tips for Preteens and Tweens

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"It’s typically between the ages of nine and twelve that our cute, cuddly little children, once so willing to climb into our laps and share their secrets, suddenly want little or nothing to do with us. A child in preadolescence is not the same person they were just a year or two ago. They have changed—physically, cognitively, emotionally, and socially. They’re developing new independence and may even want to see how far they can push limits set by parents.

What they may not know is that they need you as much as ever, because a strong parent-child relationship now can set the stage for a much less turbulent adolescence. But it won’t be easy, because you as a parent need to respect your child’s need for greater autonomy in order to forge a successful relationship with this “updated” version of your kid." ...

2. Set aside special time with your child

It’s often tough to get pre-teens to open up and talk. Laura Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist, suggests establishing a special period of one-on-one time once or twice a week that you spend with your tween, where you’re providing undivided attention ,and you’re not working or texting at the same time.

In doing this you’re not only improving your relationship, you’re also teaching interpersonal skills that are going to be crucial in the future. “That quality time is really key,” Dr. Kirmayer says, “and it’s something that we might overlook because our kids might be saying they don’t want it and be pulling away. And we might unintentionally collude with that tendency.” ...

5. Watch what they watch with them.

Beginning in middle school, watching the stuff that your child wants to watch with them and being able to laugh at it and talk about it is an important way to connect and to be able to discuss subjects that would otherwise be taboo. “Don’t get too intense in how you critique the values,” says Dr. Steiner-Adair.

It’s our job as parents, she adds, to help both boys and girls recognize how the media instills the gender code — the barrage of cultural messages that tell kids what it “means” to be a boy or a girl—and to help them identify when something crosses the line from teasing to mean. But tread lightly and use humor. ..."

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Social Media and Self-Doubt

"Social media can be fun, exciting, even helpful. But for some teens, all those pictures of awesome vacations, perfect bodies, and great-looking lives can fuel self-doubt. How can parents help teenagers have a healthier relationship with their social feeds?

Keeping teens from falling into the social media trap is harder than it sounds. Parents can start by taking it seriously. Social media plays a huge role in teenage life. Many teens never knew a world where social media didn’t exist. For them the things that happen online — fights, break-ups, likes, mean comments — are very real. When you talk about it with your teen, let them know you take their feelings seriously. For example you could say: “That comment was pretty mean. I’m sorry that happened. How are you feeling about it?”

Encourage teens to take what they see on social media with a (large) grain of salt. Asking questions can help. For example, are their friends are really the people they seem to be online? And is your child the person they seem to be online? Why does getting likes feel good? Do they feel better or worse after looking at social media? Check in regularly and if you notice your child is feeling down, ask them if their feed is helping or harming. ..."

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Child Mind Institute (Link)